'Teach Your Children'

by: M.T. Arnold

Sometimes, my teenage daughter will say something that brings a song back from the achives of my youth, and also really put things into perspective for me.  Such was the case Tuesday night - when she was busy doing what she loves - playing soccer, but not playing much, and she hasn't been playing much this year.  After starting all of her career and being an accomplished athlete and leader, on and off the field, she is now closer to the end of the bench...and while I question the situation, she, on the otherhand, seems to be handling things better than dear old dad.  (As a sports consultant, and female sports promoter, perhaps I see too much of the games, and learn /know far to much of what's going on behind the scenes).  After the soccer game, I questioned her about how she was doing, and she said: "Fine, we need to hurry and get to the birthday party and we can't stay long because I have a lot of homework...dad, life's not always fair, and it's just soccer,"...where, and when, did she get so wise and become the teacher, and me the student?    

Years ago, I read the book 'The Game behind the Game' by Terry O'Neil, about the politics of sports and sports media.   He used his twenty years with ABC Sports (and monday night football) to provide real life examples of situations of athletes and the politics of sports.....he talked about how coaches, through their own shortcomings, or strenghts, can really make or break a player, sometimes just by how they treat a player as a player, or as a person - and I have seen it happen to players many times.  Coaches don't always send the right messages to kids, because they are caught up in winning a game (read 'The Heart of Coaching).  Having been a coach, I can say with experience that it's not always easy to make the right decision.   But, it was crystal clear to me this particular night, as I watched my daughter on the bench, that her confidence was being hurt and that she was being forced to accept an uncomfortable role (one that she hasn't ever had, and perhaps she doesn't deserve).  

As I watched her, I saw the players around her, they too seemed to be questioning "why am I not out there?"  I read my daughter well and I know that it hurts her being there, but how was she handling it...well, much better than me, because she was already past the game and thinking about getting her homework done...you see, to her, playing sports has once again become about representing her school and just having fun with friends....yes, she loves to play, and loves to win, but it has now taken a lower priority to academics and responsibilites off the field, and that makes it even more difficult for me to watch her just sitting their, because I know how she gives 100% all the time (not all players do), in school and on the field, and according to other people (including some coaches), should be playing more.  But, is there a lesson to learn here!  

As a 4.0 student persuing a career in sports medicine, she knows that her homework is paramount in order to get good grades, and as a class officer, student counsel member, and school leader she has many other acheivements to booster her self esteem...but, as an athlete, I know it still hurts her a little not to be starting or playing much, however, she has learned to 'Rise Above the Challenge' and continues to give 100% regardless of when, or where she plays...Then it hit me, this is the attitude that I've taught her, and to keep her academics first, another value that I encouraged her with since she was very young, and to always, always keep a good attitude....as we walked off the soccer field I couldn't help to think - wow - the butterfly has come out of her cocoon and everything that I have been instilling in her all these years as an athlete, student, and as a person, was illuminating and rising right before my very eyes, and again I thought about that song:

"You, who are on road (of life) must have a code that you can live by

And so become yourself, because the past is just a goodbye

Teach your chilren well

Their fathers hell did slowly go by

And feed them on your dreams

The ones they pick, the ones you'll know why

And you, of tender years

Can't know the fears that your elders grew by

And, so please help them with your youth

They seek the truth

Before they can die

Teach your parents well

Their Childrens hell will slowly go by

And feed them on your dreams

The ones they pick, the ones you'll know why

Don't you ever ask them why

If they told you, you would cry

So, just look at them and sigh

And know they Love you

Yes, I had become the student, and was learning from my daughter how to keep things in perspective before, during, and after a ballgame...and to accept that her dreams may, or may not, be the same as my dreams, and yes, while it is an adjustment for me, I must now keep a good attitude and practice what I have taught, because afterall, my daughter is right, life's not always fair, and it's just soccer (a game).  ("Teach your Children" by Graham Nash 1970)